1) Our 2011 Emmys Summary: Modern Family is the Emmy’s favorite comedy, Louis C.K. didn’t win anything, The Big Bang Theory did win something, Outstanding Guest Actor in A Comedy Series is an award, despite moving to TBS, Conan loses out to NBC again, and we still think awards shows shouldn’t be televised.

2) Kumail Nanjiani, Gears of War 3, Barbara Kingsolver, and a “Make A Wish” Kid can only make for a hilarious Funny or Die sketch.

3) Patton Oswalt’s Finest Hour is available for purchase or download tomorrow!

4) The Midnight Show debunks the myths of twins in ads.

5) Who wants to fund an animated horror short starring Paul F. Tompkins? 

6) Louis C.K. is in the A.V. Club again today in what inevitably be quoted on Tumblr then reblogged throughout the entire blogosphere including right here, which doesn’t bother us in the slightest

7) Oh we forgot regarding the 2011 Emmy Awards: Jimmy Fallon’s angry clap deserves its own statue. Forget an emmy; it needs a life size one.

8) COMEDY CRAWL
SXSW Showcase @ UCB Theatre 4:30PM FREE
SXSW Showcase @ Nerdist Theater 8PM $10 
What’s Up Tiger Lily? @ Hollywood Studio Bar & Grill 8PM FREE
Brunch @ The Park Restaurant 9PM FREE
Keep It Clean @ 1739 Public House 10PM FREE
The BEATdown: Los Angeles @ UCB Theatre 11PM $5 

9) OPEN MIC RUN
SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA/Starts 6PM/$4 min./first come, first served
CLUB 705 705 Pier Ave., Hermosa Beach, CA/Starts 7PM-ish/no purchase necessary/first come, first served
RED ROCK 8782 W. Sunset Blvd., West Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/$5 min./multiple sets allowed/first come, first served
TRIBAL CAFE 1651 W. Temple St., Los Angeles, CA/Starts 8PM/no purchase necessary/first come, first served
JAKE’S 38 W. Colorado Blvd., Pasadena, CA/Starts 8PM/Sign-up is lottery/no purchase necessary
DANGERFIELD’S 2 2860 Glenview Ave., Los Angeles, CA/Sign-up 9PM/starts after booked show/15 spots only/5 min.
GROUND ZERO USC 615 Childs Way, Los Angeles, CA (USC Campus)/nestled between three adjacent dorms approximately one block N. of Figueroa & Exposition/USC student sign-up 9PM/Non-USC student sign-up 9:15PM/first come, first served/7 min./no purchase necessary
MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 min./multiple sets allowed/bottled water and coffee provided   

10) Oh yeah, the Sheen roast is tonight, isn’t it?

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1) Russell Howard on Conan.

2) In one of the best Compatish’s yet, the gang goes raft racing and the trash talk goes to a whole other level.

3) So the comedy world will supposedly have it’s May 21st when Louis C.K. meets Dane Cook on Louie (FX 10:30PM). After the comedy world doesn’t implode on itself catch Rich Fulcher, Rob Riggle, and Paul Scheer on NTSF:SD:SUV (Adult Swim 12:15AM)

4) ON LATE NIGHT TV TONIGHT:  Ron Funches on Conan (TBS 11PM), Lewis Black, Kathleen Madigan, Jamie Kilstein, and more on The Green Room with Paul Provenza (Showtime 11PM), and Todd Glass on Jimmy Kimmel Live (ABC MIDNIGHT)

5) Splitsider interviews the fantastic Paul F. Tompkins.

6) Laughspin catches up with Kyle Kinane while on the road with Daniel Tosh.

7) Puddin’-“Mexico” w/Andy Daly

8) ON THE HORIZON
The Super Serious Show w/Jonah Ray @ Smashbox Studios Thurs. Aug. 18th 7PM $15 

9) COMEDY CRAWL
McDonald & Thompson from “Kids in the Hall” @ Irvine Improv 8PM $25/2 item min.
Red Zebra Comedy Explosion @ Crocker Club 8PM FREE
The Eddie Pepitone Blood Bath @ Hollywood Improv Lab 8:30PM $5
Commercial Break @ Palms Bar 8:30PM
The Josh & Josh Show @ Bar Lubitsch 8:30PM FREE 
Live at the Carnegie Hall* @ Hollywood Hotel 10PM FREE 

10) OPEN MIC RUN
SAL’S COMEDY HOLE 7356 Melrose Ave., Hollywood, CA 6PM/$4 minimum/first come, first served
ZAPATA VIVE 101 S. First Ave., Arcadia, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/20 spots available/5 min.
COFEE BEAN 16101 Ventura Blvd., Encino, CA, Suite 180/Starts 7PM/mixed mic/no purchase necessary
SANDWICH SPOT 3101 Ocean Park Ave., Santa Monica, CA/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/first come, first served
CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 6:30PM/Starts 7PM/first come, first served/10 min.
SUNSET GRILL 7439 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA/Starts 7PM/one item min.
CAFE UNURBAN 3301 Pico Blvd., Santa Monica, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 9PM/No purchase necessary 
MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel, past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5 min./multiple sets allowed/first come, first served/coffee and bottled water available   

11) I tried to get into the Moth Storyslam last night, but couldn’t because 300 people who paid $8 to get in beat me to Zanzibar Live in Santa Monica last night.  That’s 300 people who paid money to hear stories that may or may not be good by people they’ve most likely never heard of.  Why can’t people be excited for comedy like this?

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Conan O’Brien’s Speech for winning the Lifetime Achievement at the Shorty Awards in which he really exploits the word “lifetime”.

1) OK, one more time: Comedy Central Presents Kyle Kinane tonight at 11PM.  WATCH IT. 

2) The Ultimate Free & Cheap LA Comedy List 2/27-3/5. Thanks Wisepix.

3) Follow @comedy_palace on Twitter because the Comedy Palace on the 2nd and 4th Thurs. because you should follow them for great offers on Chinese food and a fantastic live comedy show.

4) Kumail Nanjiani on Conan. Uhh, he kills it.

5) ON THE HORIZON
Greg Proops Smartest Man in the World LIVE @ Comedy Central Stages Wed. Mar. 9th 8PM FREE 
An Evening with Eastbound & Down @ Paleyfest Thurs. Mar. 10th 7PM $10 
Featuring @ Hollywood Improv Lab Fri. Mar. 11th 8:30PM $5

5) Tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL
Stand Up Spotlight: Dave Foley @ UCB Theatre 7PM $5 (stand by only)
Harland Williams @ Hollywood Improv 8PM $20/2 item min.
Jackie Kashian @ Flappers Burbank 8PM/10PM $17/2 drink min.
Jeff Ross’ Roast in Peace @ Comedy Store 8:30PM $20/2 drink min. (sold out)
Greg Proops @ The Ice House 8:30PM/10:30PM $17.50/2 item min.
Stand Up Showcase @ 3rd St. Promenade Playhouse 9PM $12 
Comedy Car Hole @ Comedy Car Hole 9PM FREE 
Stood Up Friday Night: Story Time @ Moving Arts Theatre 10PM $5
YooHoo Late Night @ Flappers YooHoo Room 11PM $5/2 drink min.
Midnight Madness @ Hollywood Laugh Factory MIDNIGHT $20/$30 VIP/2 drink min.

6) OPEN MIC RUN
SET LIST @ FLAPPERS BAR 102 E. Magnolia, Burbank, CA/Sign-up 5PM
iCANDY 1708 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 6PM/Starts 7PM/$3 min.
SILVERLAKE LOUNGE 2906 W. Sunset Blvd., Los Angeles, CA (Silverlake)/Sign-up (lottery) 6:30PM/Starts 7PM 
MAX BLOOM’S 200 N. Malden Ave., Fullerton, CA/Starts 7PM
GLENDALE DAYS INN 450 N. Pioneer Dr., Glendale, CA/Starts 8PM 

7) Recently: will now become a separate daily post relating relevant, trending, or odd news items with clips of comedy.

8) Congratulations to comedians Adam Rank and Tim Palmer for placing in the 21st Ultimate Laffdown.

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…or even this. (Eagleheart Feb 3rd. at Midnight on Adult Swim-DON’T MISS IT!)

If you’re not going to watch this, you’re officially not a good sport. (Come on, it’s produced by Conan!)

or this…. (with Chris Elliott, Brett Gelman, and pure unfiltered awesomeness)

1) One question for seemegetfamous.tv: ARE YOU FOR REAL?

2) Many have you who are normal and don’t go out every night probably saw The Daily Show’s John Stewart’s heartfelt words in response to the recent shootings in Arizona.  If you didn’t, here it is right here.  Just note that Jon Stewart takes time aside from joking or any sort of political agenda and reminds us all that humanity still exists.  Still, parts of this are very funny (especially w/John Oliver).

3) The Arrested Development Movie is a ‘Real Priority’.  Finally.

4) HBO’s Funny or Die Presents Season 1 is now on DVD or, as they say, in “a box of crap”.  Either way you should buy it in stores or download it from iTunes NOW.

5) Is tonight’s COMEDY CRAWL always this good?  Why don’t you go and find out? (the answer is yes)
“If This Doesn’t Work, I’m Moving Home” A Variety Hour @ Harlem Place Cafe, 124 W. 4th St. (in alley between Main and Spring St.) 8PM FREE
Maria Bamford’s Eagle Rock Sing-a-long @ Center for the Arts, Eagle Rock 8PM $5 suggested donation 
Meltdown @ Meltdown Comics 8:30PM $8 
Beer in the Shower @ Whitehorse Cocktail Lounge Inn 9:30PM FREE
Jesse Miller Talk Show @ Next Stage Theatre 11PM $5

6) OPEN MIC RUN:
LIBRARY A COFFEE HOUSE 3418 E. Broadway, Long Beach, CA/Sign-up 8PM/Starts 8:30PM
CAFE ON 2ND 7 S. 2nd St., Alhambra, CA/Sign-up 7PM/Starts 7:30PM
THE SPOT CAFE 4455 Overland Ave., Culver City, CA/Sign-up (lottery) 7PM
MARTY’S/THE OPEN MIC 7351 W. Sunset Blvd., Hollywood, CA (walk up Martel past Big Mama’s and Papa’s)/5PM to 11PM/$5/multiple sets allowed

8) The Comedy Bureau “Tips Its Hat” today to PATTON OSWALT-“@pattonoswalt 5:43 a.m. Leaving Los Angeles for Fargo. (First sentence of Worst Detective Novel Ever)” Having attained that status of the general population knowing who he is AND finding him hilarious, Patton just released his own book entitled, “Zombie Spaceship Wasteland”, which you should definitely check out already having been acclaimed by such prolific writers as Dave Eggers.  Unfortunately, he’s next LA show at Largo is already sold out so check back at the Comedy Bureau for details on his next one. Twitter. Website. 

9) From the “You Should Have Been There” Lagoon: Jim Carrey as Conan O’Brien (I know this isn’t that “underground”, but someone told me that Conan was only a good show because of Conan and nothing else.)

10) Is “I’m still here” the #1 self-affirmation for comedians or is that just me?

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